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Cake day: July 1st, 2023

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  • Yes. it takes practice because for most of us when something is pushed into the starfish the first instinct is to clench up. The first two wipes should be superficial lines, with a J scooping motion, barely grazing the hole. This allows release of any dingleberries without smearing them onto the asshole. After this, wipes should be circular, starting gently on the surface. When a wipe comes clean, then next circular wipe should have a bit more push into the bung hole. You might notice that what you thought was a clean asshole isn’t really so clean once you get in there. You don’t need to ram the toilet paper up your arse, but by the end wipes you should be about a fingernail’s length in. It takes practice because you have to consciously relax your asshole while doing it. Once a deep circular wipe comes clean, try one more circling in the opposite direction. You’ll find your ass happy and non-itchy. Nothing beats a shower, but this is the best process short of that.



  • The ultimate origin is that i bought a cheap hose. Pulled it out of the shed and hooked it to the tap without untangling it. Tried to water the garden with the sprayer attachment and the water would just stop after a second. Would give the hose a hearty snap to try and free it up but the wave would never travel back as far as the kink. Had to walk back and straighten it out then run back to the sprayer because fixing the kink caused it to start spraying everywhere.